Jesus loves me, this I know...

Jesus loves me, this I know…

Why is that fact so hard for me to admit?

Jesus loves me.  Yes, Jesus loves me. 

I sang this precious song regularly as a child, but most times there was a deep part of my heart that refused to believe it.  

Does God really love me? Does He even like me? 

A few weeks ago, I was sitting on the couch in my living room seeking to please my Heavenly Father by spending a few moments with Him, when He brought these questions back to the forefront of my mind: Does God really love me? Does He even like me? 

Along with these questions came a beautiful reminder from the Holy Spirit…

God loves me because I am His child, not because of what I do for Him.

I have often wondered why we tell young children how beautiful and wonderful their finger-painting is.  I mean, let’s be honest, we all know we have no idea what they were trying to paint, but we praise them nevertheless. Why?

Because we love the child who painted it. 

Parents genuinely delight in their children’s artwork, not because the art is beautiful itself, but because the child they dearly love created it.  This fact ironically makes the artwork beautiful.

As I sat in Memphis, desperately trying to please God with my life, He stilled my heart and told me tenderly how much He loved me.  I began weeping on my couch as I finally let the deepest part of my heart receive this truth:

My Heavenly Father loves me not because of any finger-painting of “good deeds” I have presented Him, but because I am His.  I am a daughter of the King.  The one and only true King.

I can spend the rest of my life trying to earn His love and favor, but nothing I can do will change His mind about me: I am His and He is mine. He will never stop loving me because I have been covered with the blood of the Lamb for all eternity.

I am beautiful, not because of any physical characteristic or personality trait (there is truly nothing good in me apart from Christ) but because I am clay in the Potter’s hand: a work of art by the Ultimate Artist.

When our actions are a direct result of the love we have for the Father and the love He has for us, they become beautiful.  Apart from the love of God, nothing is beautiful.  And when true love for the Father exists, we won’t be able to contain it.

So the next time you see a young child’s finger-painting, remember how deeply you are loved.  

And the next time your attempt to please God seems to fall short, remember God doesn’t love your deeds, He loves YOU!

Let your actions flow FROM love instead of to it.

Ephesians 2:1-10

“And you were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience— among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind. But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved— and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are HIS workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.” (emphasis added)

Praise God for His grace and perfect love in spite of my sin and failure.  He is good!

I've Been Redeemed.

My Testimony I was privileged to share with class a few weeks ago:

Most anyone that will be reading this will be well aware of the upbringing I was blessed with: I grew up in a Christian home as well as attended Christian school for most of my education, including college. My parents were faithful believers who loved Jesus and had my siblings and I in church almost as quickly as we were released from the hospital. Some of my earliest memories of life include flannel board Bible stories and Sunday School games of Duck-Duck Goose. I remember wondering when I would “ask Jesus in my heart” and anxiously awaiting when it would be my turn. 

 

That day came for me at the age of 7 on a family vacation. My older brother and I were in the back of our janky old Toyota van filled with 6 people during a 2 day road trip when he looked over and asked me a simple question: did I want to ask Jesus into my heart? Clearly the church jargon doesn’t make sense to everyone, but growing up in the church, the Lord knew exactly what language to use to speak to my heart even at such a young age, and I knew exactly what that question meant: It was my turn to give my life to Christ and I did so as best I knew how. My brother led me in a prayer where I confessed that I was a sinner and that I wanted to trust in Christ to lead me for the rest of my life. To this day, I still have never felt the amount of joy that I felt in that moment. Even being so young and understanding little about grace or the depth of my own sin, I knew that I wanted Jesus to have my heart and that I wanted to please Him in all that I said and did. Even though I have struggled in many ways since that day, I have never doubted the presence of the Holy Spirit that I received on that summer day 18 years ago. 

As time went on, my deepest desire was to love Jesus, but that was often crowded out by legalism, judgmentalism, pride, and self-righteousness. Being obedient to my parents, going to church, getting good grades, and surrounding myself with godly people were all easy tasks that seemed to come naturally. 

The one time I lied to my parents about a coloring book only lasted about 5 minutes before I ended up in tears and confessing because I couldn’t stand to do anything wrong. I don’t even think my mom punished me because I was so upset with myself. (Looking back, this reaction was probably greatly due to the Holy Spirit in me, praise God!)

 

The older I got, the more success I achieved, and the more people in my life constantly told me how wonderful I was. My pride began to grow and I slowly began to lose sight of all that Christ had done for me. I always had a desire to love Him and know Him more, I just continued trying to achieve that by being a good person. I would hear other people’s testimonies who had been saved from a life of addiction and think that my salvation had been a small thing. I would look at the people around me who struggled with peer pressure, sex, drugs, drinking, and other noticeable sins and think that I was somehow better than them. I diminished my testimony and all that Jesus had redeemed me from because I understood less and less the depth of my own sin and failed to realized my need for Christ. 

This pattern continued through all of junior high, high school, and the beginning of college, even though looking back, I can see how each step of the way the Lord was chipping away at my heart through the power of the Holy Spirit one experience at a time.  In 7^th grade, I had a math teacher listen to me, remind me of Christ’s claim over me, and pray over me as I was broken over the realization that I didn’t deserve any of the things the Lord had given me, including eternal life. In my high school youth group, I had a mentor listen to me and pray over me after I was broken at the alter, realizing more and more that nothing I did to try to earn the Father’s affections was enough to save myself. In college, the Lord began breaking me of my desire for marriage and a family by giving me the gift of singleness and drawing me closer to my need for Himself. On a mission trip in Europe, the Lord spoke to me in the mountains, reminding me of all of His provisions for me financially, spiritually, physically, and so much more. 

Every step of the way, the Lord has been gentle with my heart, giving me exactly what I needed in the moment to know Him more and to bring Him more glory, whether that was silence and solitude for me or His nearness and presence over my situation. 

As I slowly began to know Him more and recognize more clearly the depth of my own sin as well as the depth of grace given through Jesus perfect sacrifice on the cross to cover that sin, He also began to teach me how He wanted to use all that He had done in my life for His glory. Through a college ministry, He revealed His calling of the Great Commission over my life, as well as a deeper understanding of the Gospel and the training on how to share the Gospel with others.  He began drawing on my upbringing, life experiences, and all of His faithfulness in my life to equip me for the work of the Kingdom. He began to graciously teach me what it meant to love and serve Him in response to grace as opposed to trying to deserve the gift He had already fully given me. He reminded me that I could never be good enough to earn His love, but that He already loves me fully because of Christ and that there is no sacrifice I could make that would be enough to repay Him for that precious gift. 

He has grown my vision for all that He wants to do on this earth and brought me here to Memphis to continue to equip me for His Kingdom, making disciples of all nations. Every day I am here I am learning even more what it means to sacrifice in honor of the cross, a task that has never been easy for me. 

God wants more from me than just a “Christian” lifestyle, and the things that come easily for me. He wants all of me. He wants to know that I love Him more than anything else in my life and that my deepest desire is His glory. This life will never be easy, but God will be faithful to complete the work He began in each of us and that work will deepen our affections for Him every step of the way. I will continue to make mistakes and stumble in my sin of legalism, but God is sovereign and I am thankful for His willingness to use a sinner such as myself to claim the name of Jesus in this world and make disciples of all nations. 

He has been faithful in blessing me tremendously with a heritage of faith through both my earthly and spiritual family and I can’t wait to see all of the ways He grows that family through His faithfulness in the days to come. As my older brother reminded me recently, the only good that is in me is because of Christ, and as Paul reminds us in Ephesians: “Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, to Him be the glory in the church and in Jesus Christ throughout all generations forever and ever. Amen.”

The Long and Short of It...

Considering it has been a month and a half since I posted anything, I have a LOT to catch up on, and I'm not sure I can bring myself to leave any of it out, sooooo I decided the most entertaining way was via pictures....ENJOY!

Once upon a time, my longest and incredibly dear friend GOT ENGAGED!! That's right fellas, Katie B is officially off the market.  I'll get ya some tissues if you need it ;) I prayed specifically on my drive to Memphis that the Lord would allow me to share that moment with her, and He so lovingly opened doors for me to do so! It was such a perfect weekend with family and friends and I know every small detail of it was a way of God showing me how much He cares for all of us :)

Once upon another time, a group of adventurous Emerging Leaders in a 5K Mud Race!! 

Check off the bucket list and SO worth it.

BEFORE...

 DURING...

 AFTER :)

I know you are all being overcome by envy as you're reading this. I just can't apologize for it.

My Discipleship-Group (group with one leader and 2 Emerging Leaders that meets weekly for accountability and learning/growing together) got to celebrate a Birthday! This is Dom and she likes cupcakes. Especially those with matches for candles...

 Our Discipler's name is Andrea and we love her so much! She is a Pediatrician and such a great example of what it means to follow Christ. We are both so grateful to learn from her.  The amount of support the Lord has blessed me with is truly so much more than I ever realized.

One time I spent 14ish hours making Apple Butter.  Ok, ok, techinically the crock pot did all of the work, but it still sounded cool to say it that way. Yummmmm

Call/text for the recipe! Or just look on Pinterest like the rest of the world. There's only about 57 versions of this homemade deliciousness. Take your pick!

And last but not least, I'M GOING TO BE AN AUNT!!!!! I had no idea how much I could love a little baby until I heard my dad say the words (with all of my family watching my reaction via video chat in the background) "Thought you should be the first one to call me Grampa."

I cried when I found out, I seriously cannot accurately explain the joy that I felt. I was so excited I bought a few things in celebration the next day :)  Gender neutral shades of course, per my sister-in-law's request. I love this sweet baby so much already, ah!

ONE MORE AWESOME THING! DON'T STOP READING YET!

In class, we are going through the Bible chronologically and I am being incredibly humbled each and every day by the beauty of the Holy Word of God. "How beautiful are the feet that bring good news" is so true of those who are teaching me the depth, truth, and perfection of our Holy Scriptures. I am overwhelmed with how much I am learning and how much I need to learn!

One lesson I would love to share quickly is that of the Exodus. We went through the entire first five book of the Bible, and learned that time and time again God proved HE CAN BE TRUSTED!! The most incredible way He proved that was on the night of the Passover, as all of the Israelites and Egyptians alike awaited the final and most deadly plague that was to reveal God's judgment on them. Every person in that country was to be condemned to death because of sin, but the Israelites were graciously spared. Why? Because they were covered with the blood of the lamb. And the same is true of all of us today: we are all equally condemned to judgment and death, but the only thing that separates us is the blood of Jesus.  

I am a sinner: full of pride, judgmentalism, and self-righteousness-deserving of judgment by a Holy and just God. The only thing that sets me apart is that I am covered by the blood of Jesus by faith-and nothing else. Not because of anything I've done, but solely because of Christ. I am a sinner saved by grace and I am falling more in love with my Heavenly Father because of His great love for me. Our God is good, He is just, and He is loving. Praise God for His perfect grace revealed through Jesus and prophesied through the book of Exodus. 

*Stay tuned next time for a detailed descriptions of this testimony, which I was privileged to share with my class recently. Talk to y'all soon!

Talk about Loving Your Job...

One week of orientation down, and here's a taste of what I have signed up for :)

A Day in the Life...

I know the burning question on all of your minds, what in the world does my day look like? Ok, ok, obviously I’m being dramatic. There’s no telling who actually reads this. BUT, just in case you were actually wondering what a typical day in Memphis looks like for me, I’m going to re-hash what my day looked like today...

 • Wake up at 5 AM, drive to class with roommates dressed in our super fabulous business casual-sunrise edition.
• Sit in class from 5:45 to 7:45 taking notes like crazy because I can’t seem to get enough of this incredible teaching! (Look to future posts for more detail; topics today-Genesis 1 and 2 and Evangelistic Discipleship-SO GOOD!!)

• Meet with a group at 8:15 about participating in an optional educational track in addition to the current classes-this one based specifically on using the marketplace as a mission field.
• Grab a Chick-Fil-A sausage, egg, and cheese breakfast biscuit…enough said.
• Spend some time with the Big Guy upstairs to dedicate the day to His Glory.
• Go hang out with a friend from the program who is a full-time nanny for 3 little girls (2 of which are 6 month old twins, talk about busy!).

• Catch up over the phone with some friends and family while cooking dinner (loving this part of being on my own! Bring it on Martha Stewart).
• Eat previously mentioned meal and enjoy every bite!
• Get some details worked out with new job….oh yeah, I GOT A NEW JOB!! The Lord has opened up a perfectly providential door for me to be a part-time neurology nurse at one of the major pediatric hospitals in the city ☺. Which, if my patients are anything like this sweet neurology patient I know, I think I will like my job just fine ;)

• Get a snack with some friends (don’t be so shocked, I have actually made a few friends) and clean house with roommates in preparation for our first monthly house-check in the morning (if only they knew who my Grandmother was).
• After getting a few good laughs in with my housemates (what was the source of our laughter is privileged information), snuggle into my bed and type up my day for all of you to read.

 To begin to even share one small point of all that I’ve learned and the ways the Lord has been growing me is almost too overwhelming to even begin describing. I hope to delve deeper as the Lord leads me to share, but until then just rest easy knowing that the Lord is proving His faithfulness in so many perfect ways. I have only begun to see the opportunities we have to honor the cross of Christ and bring glory to our Heavenly Father by the way we steward our lives. God is Sovereign and we have a responsibility to steward the gift of salvation He has given. I am beyond privileged to be here soaking in the firm foundation of God’s Holy Word and pray that I will be a faithful steward of all that I learn until I breathe my last breath.

Please continue to pray for my complete dependence on Christ and not the opinion of those around me as well as the few decisions that are still to be made (church I will attend and volunteer opportunities I will commit to.) Praise God for His faithfulness and His willingness to allow us to be a part of HIS story. We are so unworthy but He still loves and uses us. May you be reminded of His love and goodness as you read and be encouraged by His love for you. Until next time, may the peace of Christ be with you ☺.

And They're Off!!

Well, our first full week of this new adventure in the great city of Memphis is behind us, and even though the details are almost too much to clearly express, I thought I’d throw a few highlights your way. Brace yourself, this may get graphic…

 • 1 day after meeting my new housemates, I had to inform them that I had found head lice in my hair (I told you it would get graphic…). Don’t worry, I made sure to spread it to all of you before I left the city. Just wanted to make sure you wouldn’t forget about me ☺.
 • My precious roommate volunteered to wash all of my bedding for me, as I had already headed back to Oklahoma for a wedding (congrats Millers!). Best roommate award: Allison Love. (Sweet name, huh?)
 • I had two job interviews at the children’s hospital and God is being incredibly faithful in opening doors to provide financially for me. Stay tuned for more updates on this!
• God has already begun His perfect work of pruning me for this new stage in life. See below for details...
 • Memphis town LOVES Elvis! That’s right, last week was Elvis week here, and these people don’t mess around when it comes to the king of rock and roll. Even got a taste of That’s Alright Momma (Elvis’s first song recorded when he was 19 at Sun Studios) during orientation. Please note Birthday Elvis glasses on my housemate below...

• Finally got settled into “the Shire” (that’s the name of our home if you were wondering… don’t judge,) with my 4 other housemates, whom I love!! Besides the few extra 6-legged insects that decided to hang out in the kitchen and some freezer issues, it hasn’t been too bad of a transition. And no, I’m not talking about head lice, people, even though they do have 6 legs. Anyone who hasn’t dealt with ants invading the house during the summer is missing out. I would take 6 legs over 4 most days (One house had to deal with rats and even though having boys come over with machetes and bats to solve the problem I’m sure was entertaining, I’ll stick with our ant traps.)

• We celebrated one housemate’s Birthday by donuts at midnight and dancing! And I am happy to say that I am not the oldest in our house now, although she’s only got me beat by a few months ☺. From left to right is Lachelle, me, Ashley (birthday girl), Allison (my roommate), and Rose. I already love these girls so much!

I am so deeply excited about all that God is doing in this city and incredibly privileged to be a part of The Great Commission being fulfilled. Last night, in our first class, we were informed that when we graduate in May, that 1,200 people will have been sent out from Downline Ministries fully equipped to spread the Gospel of Christ by making disciples all over the world. Talk about getting chills!! God is SO FAITHFUL!!! His name will be proclaimed to all nations and we are all privileged to be a small piece in His puzzle.

I don’t think I can accurately explain all of the ways that God has been pruning me, but I can definitely say that He is. I know that our loving Heavenly Father is willing to challenge us. Not only that, but He is also loving enough to reveal our sin to us. This thought is scary to me, but as I was reminded in class last night, my sin is covered with the Holy blood of Jesus Christ the lamb, and I don’t have to fear the pruning the Lord will bring because it will simply make me more like Christ. Please continue to pray for me as I struggle to adjust to this new environment both mentally and emotionally.

Some specific prayer requests:
 • That I would choose wisely which job to accept at the children’s hospital, I currently have two options, praise the Lord!
• That I would exercise wisdom in choosing a local church to attend and serve.
• That the Lord would reveal His will in where I should volunteer this year, and that I would be discerning in not over-scheduling myself or spreading myself too thin.
• For the Lord to open doors through my church and/or volunteer site for me to disciple a younger girl or girls in their faith and still to remain faithful to those I have invested in back home.

Thank you again for all of your prayers! I look forward to more updates and sharing all that God is doing here!

Newsletter, for anyone that missed it..

Alright, I know what you may be thinking… How much money does she need and who do I make my check out to? Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with raising financial support, but I am pleased to inform you that the Lord has already provided all of my financial needs for this trip! I am simply writing you to share about the details of this new journey the Lord is leading me on. Well, and ask for your prayers as well, but I figured that was a given (see enclosed bookmark ☺). As most of you may know, I’m moving! In just a few days, I will be packing up my things and driving East to participate in a ministry program called Emerging Leaders in Memphis, Tennessee. What is Emerging Leaders, you may ask? Well, that is kind of a loaded question, but if you will bear with me, I will see if I can give a decent explanation.

The vision of Downline Ministries is to equip the layperson with the tools, experience, and knowledge necessary to serve God effectively in whatever vocation that person may choose. Emerging Leaders is a program designed specifically for post-graduate students. The website states, “The Emerging Leaders program exists to equip gospel-centered young adults in the area of Biblical disciple-making” and “to be a launching pad into effective, gospel-centered adulthood.” In a nutshell, about 40 or so post-graduate students (including yours truly) will be living in houses in the community, taking 6 hours of class each week (basically pre-seminary Bible courses), volunteering 4 hours at the charity of our choosing, and maintaining jobs in order to support ourselves through the program (no job yet, but the Lord will provide in His perfect timing!). Each of us will also be discipled/mentored individually by someone older in the faith throughout the entirety of the program, in order that we may experience first-hand the plan Jesus gave to spread the Gospel through one-on-one, intentional relationships.

I have experienced a wide slew of emotions these past few months in preparation for this and have been challenged, grown, and prepared more than I ever thought possible, but one thing I am certain of: I am going exactly where the Lord wants me. Following Christ and choosing a life of submission to Him will never be an easy choice, but it is always the best one. As Mark 8 reminds us, “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross, and follow me.” I am slowly learning the reality of what that verse means, but I have no regrets and have seen first hand how trustworthy our perfect, good, and loving Heavenly Father truly is, especially when we are obedient and experience struggles because of it. God is so faithful and I cannot wait to share over this next year all of the ways that He will prove this to be true. I will be blogging about this journey and you can find the link to my blog and the ministry website on the bookmark included in this letter. May the Lord bless each of you through this journey, as He has blessed me in more ways than I can express through each of you in this time of preparation. Thank you for all that you have done in supporting me thus far and I look forward to you joining me on this journey through your prayerful support.